I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Small penises have feelings too.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
