I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
