Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
