Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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