she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize