so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
