My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
