ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
