we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
