whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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