i already hear my dad disowning me
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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