I just gift wrapped bread.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
