I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
