we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
