The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
