butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
