apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
