Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
you had me at cake vodka
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
