I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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