do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
