The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
