if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
