I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
