My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
