Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
