It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
