I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
