was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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