A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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