We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
