I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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