so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
