I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
