now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
