dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
