i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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