I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
