4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
