she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
