mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
