He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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