so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
