You're so nebulous sometimes
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
