My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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