Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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