Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
