Your mouth is God's brothel.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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