Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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