Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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