Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She even gives head with a lisp.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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