Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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