So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize