wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
