between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I have tasted many bathrooms
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
