honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
