I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
