She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
