I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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