You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
