Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
