I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
