this beer tastes like vomit already
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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