i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
