So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize