I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
