I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He did a backflip because drugs
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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