The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
