so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
