woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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