Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
